Lately I find myself thinking more and more like I am disposable. I'm not really one to get down on myself, but lately I am beginning to wonder where I fit in.
It's kind of like high school all over again. I never really fit in anywhere specific. Ask my best friend, she will tell you. I wasn't in band, couldn't sing, don't have a lick of artistic ability and while I played travel soccer, high school sports were not my thing. I acted a bit, but it wasn't 100% for me.
I didn't date, never really had a boyfriend and most of the time I kept to myself, only to act out when I wanted attention, not always the good kind. Yearbook was okay, but I couldn't commit and I wasn't one to really work that hard to find friends. It wasn't until Mrs. Herbruck and DECA did I really feel accepted and like I belonged somewhere.
Here I am 20+ years later, divorced and realizing I am in the same spot I was in back at Strongsville High School.
This is me. Pretty plain and simple.
You are wrong.
I ain't got game and I am one person who can't influence diddly squat. It isn't for lack of trying – I do try and influence others about behavioral health, albeit not as successfully as I would like, but I try.
I am me. Take me. Leave me.
Sometimes I am a nobody, and sometimes I am a somebody.
Depends on the day.
The thing is, I may be a nobody, to you, but I am a somebody to someone. Somewhere.
Maybe smiling at a random person will make their day.
Maybe the sandwich I buy the homeless man will help him a little.
Maybe paying someone to help me out when I am in need will pay their bill.
Maybe the text or phone call out of nowhere to an old friend will wake up a friendship.
Maybe a blind date will turn into more.
To any one of those people I was a nobody, until I was somebody.
You see, while I struggle with life daily, not feeling wanted or needed, I have to lie down at night and realize I can't be everything to everyone, instead I will do what I can to be something to someone each day.