Sunday Funday

Sometimes I ask myself what I actually did in a day, especially on the weekends. Today I decided to document most of my day in pictures so I could feel a teeny bit accomplished when I reflected back on my day.

This is me, rolled out of bed, threw a headband on, fed the cats, dog and walked the dog.

Took some time and folded 8,000 pieces of laundry πŸ™„

The Bain of my existence is cat boxes. I completely and absolutely hate cleaning these things every week.

These are a must each day, I need my vitamins!

Must drink water. Lots of water.

Dishes are a bitch and I absolutely hate doing them.

Laundry, wash it, dry it, fold it and eventually put it away. It’s a vicious and neverending cycle.

Unpacked my Pampered Chef order and am ΓΌber excited to use these things to meal prep and holiday bake.

Spent time with friends at the local Fall 🍁 Festival and enjoyed the sights and sounds in 80 degree weather. Even picked up a little sun!

Came home and planted my succulents and baked a couple of pumpkin pies πŸŽƒ

When I look back and think about my days and if I have actually accomplished things, I need to remind myself that a lot of the little things add up to big things and that’s how I feel like I actually get things done.

Sharing in your 30’s

Today I was messaging a friend back and forth about random stuff. Some point in the messaging I shared that I saved money at Target and spent under $100. That alone friends is a HUGE accomplishment, but then she sent me her receipt from Michael’s and I instantly felt better.

My point in sharing this is I started to wonder did our mom’s ever call each other and say “Hey Sally, I saved a lot at KMart today!” or when our dad’s got home they said “Look honey, I couponed at Gold Circle and saved us $50, but got all this cool stuff!”

Was there ever really a store our parents went into and intended on going on for toothpaste or paper towels and walked out with $100 of random crap, kinda like I do at Target?

Is it because we have cell phones now and can message, tweet, snap, Facebook or Instagram every single thing that happens as soon as it happens?

I find that now that I can communicate in real time with certain people and I share a lot more now that maybe I ever did when I had to wait to get home and then pick up the phone and call.

Let’s take for example the other day when I wasn’t feeling good. I was able to tell two friends and get their advice in a matter of minutes. Before technology I would have spent an hour on the phone with each one and accomplished nothing else.

I’m not able to be in Chicago this weekend and since I can’t see my beautiful daughter or gorgeous nephew start to crawl and pull himself up, I’m luckily able to see this all via video and sort of feel like I wasn’t missing out too much.

I’m on the brink of 40 and I have a few good friends I talk to daily. The nice things about these friends is I can talk to them about pretty much anything. From bodily functions, pets, recipes, weight, pains, love, relationships, family and just about anything in between. We can send pictures, videos and get advice at the drop of a needle.

I am not sure why in my 30’s sharing has become easier than when I was in my teens or 20’s, now you could ask me about anything and I would share and share away.

Not sure what is ahead in my 40’s, but I hope to never lose my ability to share and talk with my girlfriends like I do now.

Coming up in the next few days I am going to talk about what the phrases “basic bitch” and “high maintenance” mean, these phrases have been popping up around lately and have me befuddled.

Inching Along

I have been getting Facebook messages asking if I was going to blog again and how I was doing, in which case I thought maybe a post with pictures showing what’s been going on since August 14, 2017.

I took a quick trip to Chicago, came home and spent a short bit of time with these two lovelies after work one night. Then it was off to home with my daughter to get ready to send her off to college

After an extensive shopping spree and two car loads, we got her all settled in and I headed towards home.

I had spent most of my summer alone, as my girl was living life in Tennessee. While she was gone I realized I needed to start making some life choices.

After a “last meal” at my favorite place, Condado Taco, I started delving into the lovely world of meal prep. I was edging on a 4-5 day work trip and needed to make sure I wasn’t tempted to go out to eat.

On August 25, 2017, I hit my highest weight in years of 215 lbs. I was devastated and knew it was time to make changes. Meal prep, joining Planet Fitness and investing in an iWatch were all on the list of things to do.

Enjoyed a night out with some girlfriends and started back on the journey of deciding that I was worth it. That someone, somewhere would find me lovable, attractive and worthy of spending time with.

The following week was HELL at work, getting a grant submitted. I got home from that week and wanted nothing more than to sleep for days!

Spent Labor Day weekend visiting family, enjoying good ice cream from a local spot and baking some treats!

Loving on these four creatures as much as possible.

Had a few dates, been to the gym and have continued to cook, clean and declutter my home.

I have an outside cat (or three) who visit my porch frequently that I am feeding and I am set for a couple weeks of busy work and family/friend activities.

Things have really been uneventful, I’ve been up and I’ve been down. I’ve been pretty and I’ve been in pajamas.

Entering into sports season and that makes me happy, especially since that means post-season baseball, football, college football and hockey. I think basketball starts soon, but I’ll leave that to my mom.

Maybe this post will be my catalyst back into blogging and reviewing. Who knows, as I say that often.

Sending peace & love to you!

It’s Okay, I’m Nobody

Lately I find myself thinking more and more like I am disposable.  I'm not really one to get down on myself, but lately I am beginning to wonder where I fit in.

It's kind of like high school all over again.  I never really fit in anywhere specific.  Ask my best friend, she will tell you.  I wasn't in band, couldn't sing, don't have a lick of artistic ability and while I played travel soccer, high school sports were not my thing.  I acted a bit, but it wasn't 100% for me.

I didn't date, never really had a boyfriend and most of the time I kept to myself, only to act out when I wanted attention, not always the good kind. Yearbook was okay, but I couldn't commit and I wasn't one to really work that hard to find friends.  It wasn't until Mrs. Herbruck and DECA did I really feel accepted and like I belonged somewhere. 

Here I am 20+ years later, divorced and realizing I am in the same spot I was in back at Strongsville High School.

This is me. Pretty plain and simple. 

However when you visit my Facebook page and see over 1,000 friends or Twitter and see over 1,000 followers you would think that I am an influencer and that I've got game.  

Shit.  

You are wrong. 

I ain't got game and I am one person who can't influence diddly squat. It isn't for lack of trying – I do try and influence others about behavioral health, albeit not as successfully as I would like, but I try.

I am me.  Take me. Leave me.

Period. 

Sometimes I am a nobody, and sometimes I am a somebody.  

Depends on the day. 

The thing is, I may be a nobody, to you, but I am a somebody to someone. Somewhere.

Maybe smiling at a random person will make their day.

Maybe the sandwich I buy the homeless man will help him a little.

Maybe paying someone to help me out when I am in need will pay their bill.

Maybe the text or phone call out of nowhere to an old friend will wake up a friendship.

Maybe a blind date will turn into more.

To any one of those people I was a nobody, until I was somebody.

You see, while I struggle with life daily, not feeling wanted or needed, I have to lie down at night and realize I can't be everything to everyone, instead I will do what I can to be something to someone each day.

Living La Vida Alone

Here we go folks.

I am one step closer to being an empty nester.

After having my mini's graduation party this weekend (which was a HUGE success) I am realizing quickly how much I relied on her to be around.

Some say that this will give me time to get to know "me". Others say I will get to focus on my health and wellness. Then the third group says this will allow me to spread my wings and allow the freedom to date and travel.

To all of them I simply say "f**k off" because until you are in my shoes you will not understand the pain of realizing that person you have had in your home almost everyday for 18+ years will all of the sudden be sleeping somewhere 99% of the time.

I have been madly in love with being a mom since 1997. In between I have tried to find "hobbies" like scrapbooking, essential oil crafts, cooking, photography and many more.

Guess what – not successful.

Maybe it's my ADD. Maybe I just get bored easily. Either way I am finding myself cleaning out Rubbermaid tubs of crap that has gone by the wayside.

It has hit me recently, I just like taking care of people. That's all.

I keep busy with work, so my days plus some nights and weekends are full not to mention the animal brigade I have with me. Yet those 3-4 hours that I have alone are sometimes a little much to tolerate.

I think I'm starting to talk to myself people.

I ask the readers, what is it I should do? How have you dealt with being single and an empty nester?

Tonight I am starting with this:

What other thoughts do you have?

Blogging from Bed

The time is now 11:35 pm on a Friday night.  Here I am blogging from my bed. 

You may wonder why I am doing such a thing.  You may ask yourself why isn’t she sleeping in her perfectly good bed. Others may be more provocative and guess that I am up because I had a hot date. 

Folks, I am here to tell you I am awake and blogging from bed because my mind won’t shut the hell up and let me sleep. 

I am nestled in my queen size bed, with a dog to my left and two cats squished up on my legs and one other cat who thinks my iPhone keyboard is her personal play toy. 

I have lavender diffusing and a Himalayan salt lamp glowing.  I have the windows open…

Hold on, need to go take a Zyrtec

I’m back after disturbing animals so that I don’t wake up with swollen eyes. Silly me. Where was I?

Oh yes, blah blah and the windows are open and I am settling in for a peaceful nights sleep.

I could put on a meditation loop, but that drains my phone battery. I could read, but then I fall asleep with the lights on. I could just close my eyes and drift off to sleep. 

10 minutes later….

Did I place the Amazon order I needed to place?

Shit, did I put all the groceries away?

What am I cooking tomorrow?

I have no life and no plans – I am pathetic!

My eye is itching – should have taken Zyrtec sooner. 

Stupid people outside, I just want fresh air – be quiet. 

Let’s check out Pinterest for graduation center piece ideas. 

Holy shit!  I just want to sleep. 

Let’s try this again…

Deep breaths while thinking happy thoughts. Focus on good things and find my happy place. Inhale the sweet smell of lavender. 

What the f**k ~ now the animals feel the need to play ring-around-the-rosie on my bed. 

It is now 11:53 pm. 

I seriously need sleep.  All I can think about is work and

Oh look, a text message from a friend and I should check Facebook, awe sweet Logan loving me. 

Yep, right in the middle of me trying to calm my brain down I get sidetracked.  This is why I am blogging from bed tonight. 

I do not think I was this restless when I had a baby, maybe because I passed out from sheer exhaustion. 

However, this crap has got to stop. 

I need sleep. 

Okay, I’m getting myself comfy, hitting publish on this post and maybe by 1 am I’ll be asleep. 

Yours in Sleep,

Jody

My Story Isn’t Over


2 years ago. This was very important to me.  

2 years have passed. It is still important to me today.

I am eternally grateful for those who held my hand that day because it was one I will never forget and one that makes me always think twice before saying anything to anyone about myself. 

I have a habit of opening up, letting people in and getting hurt by those who judge me. I wear my battle scars proudly and I share my life story with everyone who will listen in the hopes of helping them. 

Recently I was invited to a conference to discuss recovery housing.  It blew me away how many people actually want to listen to the story of someone who, 15+ years ago would have benefited from a form of housing that supported mental health or addiction recovery.  It was empowering to be in rooms where, today, people that need help are being helped. Being there and opening up to people, those I consider friends and colleagues, was something I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to do, without being judged, belittled or stigmatized against. 

Sadly, being hurt and judged is something I have become accustomed to experiencing. However, it is my decision how I act upon that hurt and judgement.  You see, while knowledge is power, it also yields a double edge sword that can hurt me and those around me. 

When I have taken the Briggs-Myer personality tests in the past I have been considered a “Consul” or ESFJ.  When I read through what the description is, I tend to agree with a lot of it, but choose to disagree with a lot of it as well. I love people, this is true and social situations both intrigue me and scare me. 

I have borderline personality disorder.  Most think this means I have a split personality – I don’t, that is a different diagnosis.  I have spent hours in countless therapy sessions and gone through an array of DBT Skills classes to get to where I am at 39.  I have also been diagnosed as ADD, which for me came on at a late age. Both of these combined led to a pretty rough past life and one that, in some instances, I am not proud of. 

You see, the plus side to my personality type and my mental health diagnosis is that I am aware. I know what my strengths are and I know what my shortcomings are.  Sometimes I can stop myself before doing/saying something and sometimes I can’t.  So, while I believe sharing is caring – sometimes it isn’t.

When I say my story isn’t over, it’s because I am not going to continue to be ashamed of myself and my life.  I chose to live it freely and do the best I can for everyone involved.  Will I keep making mistakes, sure.  Sometimes I will hurt myself and others in the process, but I won’t use my mental health diagnostic code as an excuse or my scapegoat. 

Like me, love me and walk with me or walk away.

My story isn’t over.