Been A While…

*Waving*

Hey there y’all ~ it’s been a hot minute since I blogged. I’m still here. More or less.

Not sure why I always get away from it, but I do, then I manage to rip off a blog post every week for a while, then screech to a halt.

Anyway…

It dawned on me last week I have been going, going and going and I haven’t had the chance to actually do things I like. Things like reading, writing, yoga, cooking and being with friends/family.

Luckily I have had a partner who has kept me out of trouble by exploring parks, trying new restaurants and making sure I take care of myself.

Lately my health has been declining and there are more bad days than good. I’ve been tested for a slew of auto-immune diagnoses and lately my energy level has slumped. It’s been a journey and one I continue to travel.

Some days it’s easier to just stay home in pajama pants than shave, put on makeup and leave. I’ve been told to fake it till I make it and most days I do, but sometimes, not so much.

There are days I get lucky and can move around and on those days I get out and move. When I do, I capture the moment, mostly for fear I will forget how beautiful the sights are around us.

It is amazing what natural beauty is around us and how we can go from not seeing it to admiring it.

Now it has been my mission to look for new parks, places I haven’t been and to enjoy nature.

Over the last few months I have also taken time to meal prep and eat healthier. It hasn’t been easy and I shared a Facebook post talking about my weight reaching a new high. I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

I have always struggled (with most life things) and most days I can overcome the struggle, no matter what it is. Lately, the struggle has overcome me, consuming my every thought and emotion. This renders me speechless and frozen on some occasions. My anxiety run high and then depression sinks in when the anxiety stops.

The good thing is that I recognize what’s going on.

Change is continual and while I try to change there are days I revert back to old habits and old behaviors.

I’ve been feeling vulnerable lately and open to attack or harm when talking about my life and choices. What I choose to do, who I choose to see and choices I make, I own them. Lately I have felt less than perfect, ashamed of who I am and I hate myself most days. Then there are days I look in the mirror and see progress, those are the days I hold on to. Those are the days I crave.

So, when you don’t see me blog, you don’t see social media posts and you don’t hear from me, it’s okay. I’m out exploring and doing my best to remain healthy and sane.

Until next time…

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