It’s Okay, I’m Nobody

Lately I find myself thinking more and more like I am disposable.  I'm not really one to get down on myself, but lately I am beginning to wonder where I fit in.

It's kind of like high school all over again.  I never really fit in anywhere specific.  Ask my best friend, she will tell you.  I wasn't in band, couldn't sing, don't have a lick of artistic ability and while I played travel soccer, high school sports were not my thing.  I acted a bit, but it wasn't 100% for me.

I didn't date, never really had a boyfriend and most of the time I kept to myself, only to act out when I wanted attention, not always the good kind. Yearbook was okay, but I couldn't commit and I wasn't one to really work that hard to find friends.  It wasn't until Mrs. Herbruck and DECA did I really feel accepted and like I belonged somewhere. 

Here I am 20+ years later, divorced and realizing I am in the same spot I was in back at Strongsville High School.

This is me. Pretty plain and simple. 

However when you visit my Facebook page and see over 1,000 friends or Twitter and see over 1,000 followers you would think that I am an influencer and that I've got game.  

Shit.  

You are wrong. 

I ain't got game and I am one person who can't influence diddly squat. It isn't for lack of trying – I do try and influence others about behavioral health, albeit not as successfully as I would like, but I try.

I am me.  Take me. Leave me.

Period. 

Sometimes I am a nobody, and sometimes I am a somebody.  

Depends on the day. 

The thing is, I may be a nobody, to you, but I am a somebody to someone. Somewhere.

Maybe smiling at a random person will make their day.

Maybe the sandwich I buy the homeless man will help him a little.

Maybe paying someone to help me out when I am in need will pay their bill.

Maybe the text or phone call out of nowhere to an old friend will wake up a friendship.

Maybe a blind date will turn into more.

To any one of those people I was a nobody, until I was somebody.

You see, while I struggle with life daily, not feeling wanted or needed, I have to lie down at night and realize I can't be everything to everyone, instead I will do what I can to be something to someone each day.

One thought on “It’s Okay, I’m Nobody

  1. Scott Knapp says:

    I’m betting far more people identify with those words than you’d guess. It’s painful when you have hundreds of Facebook “friends” who never reply to your posts or never interact beyond an occasional “like”….in our society we begin to think such a response is a true indicator of value and worth, and that’s such a lie. It’s funny what barometers of personal worth we give permission to make or break us these days.

    Like

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