Lately as I have been traveling more days than I have been home, I have felt like I was missing out on your life.
Now, in 58 days you will be free from high school and preparing for your college journey.
That journey will take you places and I will not always be able to be by your side. I will wish that I could be there, to protect you and shelter you from all that sucks in the world, but reality is I can’t be. Always know I am a phone call or text away. Always.
I struggle each day with finding a balance between being a good mom, being your friend and letting you “adult” as much as possible. You have done a great job growing up and have really managed to hold things together while I am gone. For that I am grateful and proud of you.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish I was there to sit with you, listen to you and hold you as you go through happy and sad times. Because of this, I always wonder if I am a good mom.
- Do I do enough for you?
- Do I provide enough for you?
- Do I push you too much?
- Do I push you too little?
- Am I feeding you enough?
- Am I making sure you are safe?
- Do I love you enough and do you love me back?
As a mom it is my job to teach you life lessons.
- How to drive.
- Cooking for yourself.
- Healthy habits.
- Good work ethic.
- Treating others properly.
- Cleaning tips and tricks.
- A love of people, places and things.
Each day that passes I wonder if I have instilled good habits and ones that will carry with you, even when I am gone.
Sometimes at night I cry. Mainly because I miss you. Just having you around brings a smile to my face. We don’t even have to be doing anything and I know you are safe and sound in the next room.
I know our life hasn’t been perfect. In fact each day I worry that I am going to make a mistake and hurt you. I never want to make you cry and I never want to hurt you.
As each day passes, my love for you grows more and more. It is never easy for us (particularly me) to express how I feel in person. Sometimes just writing it down helps.
I love our little road trips, the music you play, the stories we share and the memories we make. I can’t offer you big trips, but I will always do what I can to make memories.
Today was a hard day for you. You did some great adult things (again) and were a huge help to me. Your independence has been increasing by the week and although I worry feverishly, I am confident in knowing you are succeeding in all you do.
You have a wonderful head on your shoulders and are accomplished in many things. If you put your mind to it, you get it done.
In the words of Hamilton, don’t throw away your shot, ever. You are young, scrappy and hungry for more and I look forward to seeing you be successful no matter what path you choose.
As your mom I will always want to protect you from all harm, bad and evil. Even though you push me away, know that I have your back and I am always watching over you.
Yes, the saying holds true, you aren’t pregnant and don’t use drugs, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you. Just remember that.
I love you.